Category Archives: Internal

mental, emotional and other internal aspects that affect your overall well-being

It’s not how many times you stumble…

Who out there has ever stumbled? Who has fallen off so badly it seems pointless trying to get back up? 

The proverbial they say it’s not how many times you stumble and fall, but how many times you get back up. But how do you get back up? Where does the motivation, drive or desire to get back up come from? Who else feels like they must have slept in the day that was being passed out or that they’ve use up their supply already? 

Self-care is one widely advised method of refueling the drive to keep going. But we have to beware of that sneaky feeling of guilt. Perhaps we’ve been conditioned to believe that any amount of self-interest is selfish. This can derail our self-care and send you spiraling into an even deeper depressed state. 

If necessary, actively and verbally (yes, out loud), give yourself permission to be selfish. Set a time limit on it if you can’t get comfortable with the idea. “I will be totally self-absorbed for the next two hours.”

Then actually put in the work. This CANNOT be some superficial ‘I’m going to get my hair and nails done’ time. You need to acknowledge the deep emotional and spiritual issues that brought you to the place of being burned out, depressed, staying down. Then get to work seeing how you can right them and build a system to avoid the pitfalls in the future.

If you’re reading this,  understand this is not another one of those articles written by someone who has not been through it. I’m actively in it right now; spent all of yesterday thinking about my failed suicide attempts and how much longer I had to wait on death. I get it. But writing this has been therapeutic for me and I’m taking my own advice today. Hope you get out there and do the same.

How to Divorce Your Job and Keep the House – THE REVIVAL

Wow it’s been 10 months since our last Divorce Your Job post! embarassed emoji

Unfortunately the personal quest to divorce my job occupied my time and while new blog postings were made, none pertained to this series.

The following infographic from an article shows why this Divorce Your Job series is still relevant despite it’s most recent extended hiatus. In case I haven’t complained earlier about the millenial title that I feel has been inappropriately applied to too wide a span of birth yearsEntrepreneur infographic

In my experience, the two years to entrepreneurial independence is an accurate average. While I haven’t fully divorced my job, I did manage to divorce my job location in favor of somewhere that will better serve my entrepreneurial endeavor.

If you have been following this series, tell us what steps have you taken so far in divorcing your job.

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

This mindset is valuable in any endeavor where success is not immediately achieved. Perseverance and resilience in the face of obstacles lead to lasting success & wellness.

The Daily Post

Thomas Edison, inventor of  the commercially practical incandescent lightbulb (among other things) and natty dresser. Thomas Edison, inventor of the lightbulb (among other things) and natty dresser.

What can we, as writers, photographers, artists, and bloggers learn from American inventor Thomas Alva Edison? Plenty, as it turns out. Edison is famous for many inventions, including the phonograph, a commercially viable lightbulb, and the motion picture camera.

His success resulted from trial and error, and many, many failed experiments before creating a lightbulb that could last 1200 hours, just as an example. He could have stopped. He could have given up. He chose to frame his work in a positive light:

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

Edison’s philosophy is particularly compelling to anyone who does creative work:

Genius is one percent inspiration, ninety nine percent perspiration.

How many rough drafts, spoiled drawings, and blurry photos have you created before that stroke of serendipity? Are you looking at a…

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My Story – #WhyIStayed #WhyILeft

This should be called #WhyIStayed and why he had to go. I’ll refer to him as “P” which seems appropriate for this past perpetrator of domestic violence. Why I was with him is a paragraph for another post but was it love…

I don’t remember what led to the first incident but I do vaguely remember “P” throwing an iron my direction. It missed or perhaps he intentionally missed seeing as I did physically still resemble the female who had years before hit him with a car. Nothing serious; just a low speed tap to demonstrate my apathy with regards to his safety and well-being. Maybe that memory was there but it didn’t remain long as the thrown iron was followed by shoving me into the bedframe, the TV stand knocking it down, and then managing to pin me to the ground with his hands around my neck.

With this first instance I didn’t see myself as a victim. I still don’t because I acknowledge the part I played in allowing “P” to treat me as he would in time. The harder thing was trying to do the right thing and suppress my own violent tendencies. I thankfully put down the chair I was poised to hit him with. Yet when the police arrived I was told it appeared I was the aggressor due to him bleeding from where I scratched him while he was choking me.

I made him leave but ended up taking him back primarily because I had no intention of being a single mom especially when I didn’t even want to have the child. Also in trying to do the right thing by a higher power it meant not abandoning the marriage at the first sign of trouble.

Over time the abuse became more verbal, psychological and emotional. This combined with my own pre-existing issues with depression made me feel increasingly trapped and alone. Why I finally left is the last instance of physical violence which left me with a fractured wrist, a blown eardrum, body covered in bruises, lacerations inside of my mouth and having been sexually assaulted.

Domestic violence is a solvable issue that has to share a month with breast cancer and is often overshadowed due to that fact. That needs to change.

Women shouldn’t have to get to the point I got to in my past situation before realizing it’s time to go. There’s a private shame  that often accompanies domestic violence that prevents one from speaking up and seeking help. Also the issue is rarely covered unless there happens to be a high profile case that takes over the news for a time.

We all need to work towards not only raising awareness, as was done with the hashtags #WhyIStayed and #WhyILeft, but also to addressing the underlying issues that lead to abuse, which are often a combination of psychological and environmental. We need to support the local agencies, often not-for-profit that help domestic violence survivors. The local agency I support  is Hubbard House. Find your local agency and help out.

Let’s End the Cycle of Violence!

Aloha Summer

September is National Self-Improvement month here in the states. It’s also the month where the northern hemisphere has to say “Aloha” to summer.

goodbye summer

I spent a lot of my summer working on self-improvement, from volunteer work to finally adding some credentials to my degree in the form of my insurance  & annuities license to become a financial advisor with WFG.

My self-improvement continues this month with me returning to some routines abandoned over the summer (and years). Here’s the short list:

  1. drinking lots of water daily (want my glowing skin back)
  2. eating healthy (taking vitamins to fill in the gaps hasn’t been cutting it lately)
  3. exercising daily; it was the summer after all but follow Ms_ME on Fitocracy and I’ll follow back
  4. following my personal budget (busy making budgets for others necessitates that I’m actually following mine)
  5. and of course  my blogging schedule

What will improvements will you make this month?